Time!

I have been having a rough couple of days this week. I’ll not get into all the details, but one of the issues has been Quincy. He is really embracing his inner toddler – like he knows he’s almost two years old. Watching him melt down over silly things, bounce back, melt down again, etc. is really tiring – and can be disheartening at times. We have started using the basic “time out” discipline right now. For you hockey fans out there, I like to think of it like a penalty box. Quincy sits for 2 minutes or so and isn’t allowed any toys, the dog, etc. until we have a chance to talk to him and see if he’s ready to get up. It works great for him – changes around his attitude in no time flat. It is the bounce-back time outs that get tiring. So, since I have been feeling down recently, I decided that I needed to write out something on the humerous side to remind myself that Quincy is just being a toddler and not getting ready to mutiny – although that doesn’t explain the maps and tunneling tools in his room…….

I have already made a hockey reference, but now we’re going to switch to the sport – football. To the left is the vaunted penalty flag that is thrown by officials during the game. I decided to come up with my own list of penalties for Quincy. I will first list the football penalty and then the Quincy equivalent.

• Delay of Game – This penalty is almost always accompanied by one further down the list. Quincy is given warning about something so that if he doesn’t listen and does it anyways the flag is thrown. I’ll have examples at the end to show how it works in real life.
• Holding – A fairly straightforward call. Quincy grabs onto Ashby (usually at the head) and won’t let go. The tail is sometimes the target too.
• Defensive Pass Interference – This flag is thrown when Quincy struggles, kicks, flails, etc during a diaper change. The best cure for this infraction is to pin his arms and legs down until he complies – takes about 5 seconds.
• Illegal Forward Pass – Throwing food. Pretty straightforward with this one.
• Intentional Grounding – The second Ashby related flag – Quincy putting food on the floor for the dog to eat. This call is typically made during his snack as that is when he puts food on the floor.
• Illegal Block in the Back – The last of the Ashby related penalties. This flag is thrown when Quincy takes down the dog from behind, i.e. Ashby doesn’t see him coming. A toddler cheap shot.
• Unnecessary Roughness – The severest penalty that encompasses hitting, slapping, head butting, and things of that ilk.

So there you have my list of penalties. Here is how it works in the real world. This morning, Quincy was having his snack of Cheerios. Ashby, as usual, was hovering nearby to get the stray ones that fall – which does happen. I told Quincy not to feed the dog or that I would take his snack away and he’d be in trouble. Okay, the stage was set and off we went. Quincy ate for awhile, but then decided that it was more fun to feed Ashby his Cheerios. We were all in the same room too. Now I have to throw the flag, and if I had to make the call, it would sound something like this:

“We have multiple infractions on Quincy: delay of game (didn’t listen to warning – see how this would almost always be called?) along with intentional grounding and a few illegal forward passes. Relinquish your snack and head to time out.”

There you have it in action. And in case you were curious, Quincy received three time outs before his 2pm nap today – one unnecessary roughness and two intentional grounding calls.

I’m afraid that if I don’t try and make it funny to me, that it’ll just get tedious and tiresome.